I am all for expressing and channeling inner emotions in a healthy way, and I promise you this is one of them. Bottling them up up can literally lead to physical illness, while expressing them during times that may not be deemed as appropriate can create anxiety or frustration. In turn leading to illness. When there is a storm you can’t see your reflection in the water. Just like when you are angry or upset you aren’t always able to think, or speak clearly. You are flustered. Overwhelmed with emotions that become you. That become tension, resentment, and illness.
When I was in middle school, while my parents were working I use to sneak and watch Sex and the City on the big screen. I do believe that watching four independent, hard working, vivacious females dominate a big city plays a large part of who I am today. Samantha was always my favorite. I like to say i’m 40% Samantha, 30% Carrie, 20% Charlotte, and 10% Miranda. Samantha knew what she wanted in every aspect of life, and didn’t let anyone, or her own limiting beliefs get in her way. Despite her alpha female energy she still had poise and grace. Unafraid to use or suppress her femininity as needed. A pure class act.
On season 4 episode 10 ‘Big Girls Don’t Cry’ Samantha is interviewed by the misogynistic but ever so handsome Richard Wright, for public relations work with five of his hotels. He suggests she works alongside one of his businessmen, and she declines. She insists that she doesn’t need a man holding her hand, she is perfectly capable on her own. He then asks her to read between the lines as he says, “I deal with a lot of businessmen..” emphasis on the “men”. They go back and forth for a moment as her emotions begin to rise from a simmer to a boil. He said he didn’t want her personal life interfering with his business. Essentially dramatizing the businesswomen. It was completely absurd!
She was more qualified then five men combined for the job. She ended the conversation with one last levelheaded remark to him before before the infamous hit and run cry, “It’s amazing a man with such innovative vision could be so short sided.” You could see in his eyes this gave him something to think about rather than her emotions interfering with his business. He watched her leave his office steadfast and with discernment. He followed after her feeling the immediate regret for poor choice of wording, but she wouldn’t stop. Not for someone who had blatantly disrespected her like that. No matter how many times he called her name or just how handsome he was. She could feel the tears begin flooding to her eyes. She was finally alone in the elevator, where she was free to release the tears in a safe seclusive environment.
She left with her dignity by not giving him the satisfaction and validation to his statements about women being emotional. She kept it professional and with class saved the tears for when she was alone. She didn’t bottle and she didn't explode. She played the scenario out beautifully, in turn landing her the job. Richard called the next day to tell her he admired her balls and she’s got the job if she still wants it. Less is more in so many cases.
I have lived by this helpful tactic to the best of my ability for over a decade now. You see some people either don’t want to see you win, or like Richard Wright want their predisposed opinion proven to be true. As stated in many of my other articles, I cry a lot. However, someone who I can sense doesn’t want the best for me or is tapping their foot waiting for me to fail will never see me cry. At least not while in their company.
I have made the mistake of crying around toxic people like this before. Whether it be fake friends or facetious employers. This has only made things worse. These people are the ones that want to be hugged up to you absorbing all of your tears and misery. You can feel them getting off to it like, “yes tell me more.” They absorb your tribulations to make themselves feel better. It’s disgusting. You know this to be true when they’re nowhere to be found when you’re up on your feet again. You’ll hear things like, “You’ve changed!” Well guess what Karen? If you’re not growing you’re dying. How about adding a shot of that to your latte.
There are times when I am unable to excuse myself, and a response followed by silence is needed. For example- I was with my younger sisters and a few of their friends shortly after my Father had passed. The wound was still fresh, so the topic was still touchy. One of the girls in a somber tone said, “One of the men I know at the car dealership said he doesn’t get why your Dad did that, and said he thinks he didn’t have to do that.”
This was a moment I could not walk away to excuse my emotions. My next words or actions would set an example for my sister’s maybe for the rest of their lives. Blood was profusely pouring out of the hole in my chest where I had just been shot with words. I was hit, but I couldn't run. I was frontline, and I wasn’t going to leave my sisters there to defend our Father’s circumstances alone. I took a deep breath and began to reply, “You cannot judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes, and this is physically impossible.” That was my story and I was sticking to it. This phrase I came up with was apart of the speech I wrote and read at our Father’s celebration of life. I later released those feelings on a healthy walk followed by meditation. As hard as it was to sit there and not walk away, I know that I did the right thing.
We can’t always run away, or act out of emotion and anger. Keep your dignity by responding out of wisdom and enlightenment. Don’t conform to or match the energy of other’s. Lead by example. Stand up for yourself, and remember it’s ok to walk away if that’s what feels best. It’s ok to acknowledge your emotions alone, or around those that make you feel safe and accepted. Listen to your heart, but remember bottling or erupting with emotion can cause stress. Stress leads to illness. When you release your emotions, release the energy of not only other’s but their words. Allow them to leave your aura and head space permanently.
10 Stress-Related Health Problems That You Can Fix, https://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/features/10-fixable-stress-related-health-problems, WebMD, November 17, 2021